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jenniferhugo

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[Saturday
June 24th, 2006
10:44am
]
yesterday i didn't end up doing anything because i kept trying to call scott but he didn't answer. he had no reception where he was at. that's okay. i didn't really feel like doing anything last night anyways.

right now i'm waiting for my parents to get home from picking my brother up from camp. they should be home in a couple hours. when they get home i'm going driving with my mom for a while and then some point today we have to go to sewickley so courtney can buy my taking back sunday ticket off of me. i really want to go, but i don't have anyone to go with. so that sucks.

anyways, i can't wait until july 26 ! staci is coming over and that night we are going to see the scene aesthetic. then the next day hopefully we are going to warped tour. and then friday who knows what we will do and saturday we are going to kennywood ! omg i miss her soo much. i haven't seen her since the fall out boy concert. staci is seriously the only person i can trust and she lives an hour away. i'm so grateful to have a friend like her. i love her soo much <33
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[Friday
June 23rd, 2006
4:12pm
]
this morning i woke up about 10 and i got ready real quick and my mom took me out to lunch. and then she told me my dad hit the lotery. haha so that's nice. then i came home and did some stuff then i was laying down in the living room watching a movie and i fell asleep. so i called scott and we are doing something tonight. i'm real excited. i was supposed to hang out with katlyn. but she has better things to do i guess.. as usual. oh well. i'm going out with my dad for a bit. byee :]
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[Thursday
June 22nd, 2006
10:21am
]
schools out. the only fun day so far was the last day.
scott tried getting with me that night. haha <33
hmm i pretty much think i'm done with boys for a while.
they are really starting to get on my nerves.
and same with friends. i don't even have a best friend anymore.
you don't even know how bad that upsets me. oh well.

i'm starting to realize, good things won't last forever.

anyways, today i want to lay out.
it's supposed to rain. so i dk.
i prob won't do anything else.
i'll just find movies to watch.
maybe tonight my daddy will take
me driving. atleast i hope he does.

on a side note, i think i'm going to re-do my layout :]
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[Sunday
May 14th, 2006
9:18am
]
soo lately everything has been going pretty good. i told my mom about what happened with me and jon and she wasn't even mad. she made me get on birth control. lol. ughhh the only thing i wish was okay was me and jon. i want to see him so bad. the other night we talked on the phone for like 45 mins. it was a lot of fun.

school is almost out. thank god. this school year got on my nerves. next year i don't think i'm really going to even talk to anyone. i'm just going to focus on my grades cause most likely i won't see anyone in that school ever again after i graduate.

last night i went out with kaelin and nicole. it was a lot of fun. i never go out anymore and hanging out with them was crazy. we went to the movies and saw stick it. haha it wasn't as good as the previews looked, but i still liked it. after that we went to apple bees. haha it was funny as hell.

today's mothers day. i don't know what i'm doing. i feel really bad tho. since i don't have i job, i don't have money. so i just made my mom something on the computer. it's kinda cute? i hope she likes it. i might go outside and pick some flowers haha. i'm so lame.
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[Sunday
April 23rd, 2006
2:19pm
]
i never really have time to write in here. but the last thing i wrote about was going to jons house. and i did go. it was a lot of fun. he asked me out on a friday. the next day i was with him all day then that night somethign happened and i slept over his house. then sunday i went home and a coupel hours later he calls me and told me he couldn't go out with me so i was like real upset for a week. i cried all day every day. i couldn't believe he did that to me. then the next weekend on saturday i was with him and he told me he liked me a lot and he was kissing em and stuff. then i didn't talk to hhim for like a week and a half then friday night he comes to my house at 1 in the morning and he was all over me telling me how much he missed me and he was kissing me and i wouldn't let him. i told him i couldn't trust him. but i dk what to do. i did like him a lot but i have no clue if he likes me. he said he did but i dk. soo yeah that's about it with my love life. haha. hmm we got report cards again and i made honor roll. again. haha i'm just too smart, what can i say. haha j/k.

but last night i went to the sold out fall out boy concert. omg it was the most amazing time of my life. my friends got there at 6 amn so when i get there around 11 there were only a couple people behind them and we were 2nd in line. the rain sucked tho. we got soaked. we met some really awesome people there. we all hated the overkast kids. i still hope they die. anyways, the first band to play was october falls and they were amazing. those guys were way hott. the second band was from first to last. the main band i wanted to see. i barely made it through the second song. this girl i hate was behind me and she kept hitting me and i know she was doing it on purpose so i kicked her haha. but yeah after from first to last i like passed out cause i i couldn't breathe, so i got pulled over. i went to the back and couldn't find anyone i knew. so i got a smoothie and tried looking for people. the first people i saw were courtney and sarah so i walked aroudn with them lookin for chicots and then they went back into the crowd so i went in the back and then i found the twins so i stayed with them and then we saw mindy, amanda, and chelsea so we went with them. and then cait ran up to me and then we all went to keelana nd staci. haha omggg. we had a blast during the all american rejects. we did the train and ran aroudn everyone. and then doing fall out boy we started a mosh pit and i never moshed before but it was a ton of fun haha. and then there were like 3 fights bc of us. drunk guys are soo funny haha. so yeah afterwards i came out and i saw alex from mark this day and i was way excited. i handed out a ton of flyers and told people to go to their show. and then i saw harrison from transition and talked to him. and then i chilled with sarah, courtney, scott, and chicots for a while and then i went to the hotel and my mom picked me up. and now i'm sore as hell and i lost my voice. but it was all worth it =]
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[Thursday
March 23rd, 2006
5:57pm
]
soo i haven't wrote in here since the beginning of the month. i don't think i like porter anymore. haha i dk i'm so lame. but yeah last week this kid jordan asked me out. we went out for like a week. hmm yeah. i dk. but tuesday was my birthday. it was lame. i didn't have anyone to hang out with. yesterday after pssa's i came home sick. and today i also came home sick. tomorrow after school i might be going over robinson and meeting up with craig and then going to sewickley to hang out with john and porter then stay at johns. hmm. i dk we'll see what happens tomorrow.
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[Thursday
March 9th, 2006
1:16pm
]
so like sunday night i told porter i liked him. i felt really stupid. but he was like oh for real? and i was like haha yeah. and then he was like okay i'll call you in 5 mins. so he called me and i said hello and then he was like hey sweetie. and it was like real weird. i dk. but i'm trying not to talk to him a lot because i don't wanna be obsessed with him and i don't want him to get annoyed with me like every other guy i have liked in my life. haha. anyways. this saturday we are hanging out and i think we may be going to the rex theater to see clearview kills, but i'm not sure.

anyways. besides my over-obsessive love life.. haha.. i have been kinda looking into some things i wanna go to school for. i really wanna go for graphic design and multi-media, but i don't think i'd make a lot of money doing it because starting off you only make like $32,750 a year or something. so i think i may go to school to become a dentist. starting off you make $60,000. and i think that's sweet as hell. but the only school i have my eye on right now is west virginia university. i'm going there for some tour thingy in may. so that should be fun. but anything would be fun getting out of the place i hate =]

haha oh yeah, speaking about the place i hate. i realized why i don't have like any good friends. it's because i can't trust anyone. i'm looking for all these qualities in people that just aren't there. i mean i don't understand why everyone has to talk about everyone, start drama, stab you in your back, lie, and all that other stupid stuff. i guess i'm just looking for the "perfect friends" and i'm never going to be able to find them because noone is perfect. and noone ever will be. so therefore, i guess i'm going to be alone for the rest of my life =]
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[Sunday
March 5th, 2006
12:05pm
]
so last night i was up for a while thinking about porter. and i actually like him. he's so sweet. but i dk. i wrote this poem this morning. it's kinda lame, but oh well.

he wears tight pants and he has tattoos
he's in a band and he screams really good
he's really amazing and perfect in ever way
he doesn't know i exsist, but i guess that's okay.
cause when i get un-shy and tell him how i feel
he's gunna fall in love with me, oh it'll happen.
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[Sunday
March 5th, 2006
12:00am
]
tonight i went to a show in sewickely. i was really excited before i went, but when i got there everyone was talking about me and calling me "that girl" i felt really uncomfortable and i wanted to leave. i saw this kid porter (who i make like) and he didn't even say hi to me. i wanted to cry. i was with lizzie, courtney, and bekka. we went upstairs and porter finally started to talk to me. i was real happy. anyways, mark this day played first. and i had a good time during their set. ryan pointed to me and said look we have someone singing, and everyone looked back to where i was, (and they were prob talking about me, AGAIN.) oh well, they are a bunch of skanks anyways. then after MTD was the university, which is porter's band. there is this kid josh in the band and we kinda used to have a thing. i really liked him and he fucked me over big time. but i kept staring at him while he was playing and it made em think a lot about the one night he was at my house. but yeah, i took a lot of pics of them and then there was this part where they told everyone to clap and then chris was like jen from myspace clap. i felt stupid. lol. but after that was victory lane. they did really good. i liked their new songs a lot. but while they were playing i kept looking at josh and this emily girl kept touching him and i got really jealous. and like she'd look at me like she was trying to make me jealous. and i just wanted to cry. so while i was really upset i was just thinking about my life and how i can't trust anyone. i hate people who run their mouths and talk about everyone. but i won't talk about that right now.

i hate sewickley. i like going to see porter, but i like never wanna go again. but i prob will. i really wanna hang out with porter because i think i might like him. ahh i dk. i'm really confused right now. in english we are writing about our perfect home away from homes and i'm writing a poem about mine. so far i like it a lot. i really wish i could go there. it would be perfect and i wouldn't have to deal with anyone except for the person i think i want to be with. i hate being confused tho. cause then i think a lot. and when i think, i get real upset. then i start to cry. and then i start not to feel good. like i'm doing now. ahhh i dk. i just can't stand this anymore. i hate everyone.
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[Thursday
March 2nd, 2006
6:13pm
]
okay. i'm like really sick of not ever being out of my house. i really hate people around here. i always think about how much fun i could be having, but all i do is sit in my house. i wanna move so bad. all of the people that like hanging out with me live far away. and it sucks. a lot of people say they hate their life. but they don't mean it. i seriously do hate my life. i'm just tired of everything. i need a big change in my life. i don't know what, but i think it would deff be for the best. maybe some new friends? haha. seriously, everyone is so into themselves and extrememly stuck up. and a lot of the people i thought were my friends lie, smoke, and drink. and i hate all of those.

anyways, i don't have like anyone close in my life. i used to have a lot of good friends, and i'd never be home. but nope. it's way opposite of that. i hate the fact that i lost everything i once had. i lost my best friends, the love of my life, and everything that comes along with being a teenager. i have not once been to a party like with drinking and stuff, because i know it's wrong and i don't want to get into a bad habbit. i guess there's something wrong with me since noone ever wants to hang out with me. or no guys ever like me.

speaking of no guys not liking me, i haven't had a boyfriend since september. that's really pathedic. i get close to a lot of guys, and then i always get led on. i can't even tell you the number of times i have gotten led on this school year. it's like horrible. i can't trust noone. i can't trust boys, and i can't trust the people i thought were my friends. and i hate that i keep feeling this way. i just want my old life back.

i'm so excited to graduate next year. i'm moving out of state. i'm planning on going to west virginia university. hopefully something good will come of it. if i don't go to wvu, i want to go to kent state, in ohio. and if that doesn't work out i want to go to slippery rock. atleast that will get be out of pittsburgh. i don't know how much of it i can take anymore. i want to got school for graphic design and multi-media. i think it would be sweet. maybe once i move out of pittsburgh, i can actually get my life together. get some nice friends, and an amazing boyfriend.

hmm, back to feeling sorry about myself. i can't even remember like the last time i actually hung out with anyone or slept over their house. or for that matter, having someone sleep over my house. i always feel so alone and like noone cares about me. sometimes i'm scared. i'm worried. i have all the fear in the world. i don't know what i'm going to do if i'm by myself for the rest of my life. i love hanging out with people and just having a good time, but that's not that case when it comes down to that.

sometimes i just lay in my bed and listen to some real sad music. i just like to think a lot. i think about everything. and everyone. and lately i've been thinking who am i? i mean all i know is that my name is jennifer. i used to be a cheerleader, and i loved it with my life. i used to dress some what preppy. now i kinda dress punk and i don't do anything. i think i try and change myself to impress people. but i guess in reality, i'm not impressing anybody. not even myself. i'm pretty much a waste of life. i have no point in being here.

i really just don't know anymore. right now i'm sitting here crying my eyes out because i have felt so alone for a while now. i hold in my feelings all the time. noone ever knows how i feel. and if they did, most likely, they wouldn't care. i'm tired of feeling so sad all the time. okay i'm sick of complaining. goodbye.
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[Tuesday
February 28th, 2006
9:45pm
]
i need somewhere to write down how i've been feeling lately. i seriously can't stand my life anymore. i'm not living the "typical" teenage life. i never go out and hang out with anyone. i thought i had friends, but noone ever asks me to do anything, and when i take charge and try to make plans, everyone already has plans. the only thing i ever do anymore is go to shows. i love it. my life is really only consisting of shows, myspace, and watching movies. i mean it's fun, but it pretty much sucks. it would be way better if i had someone to hang out with. what i really need is a boyfriend. i miss being close to someone and being able to kiss him whenever i want and just be able to cuddle. ahh, noone prob cares what i have to say, yet noone is prob going to read this. hmm well i'm on the phone with mikee <3 right now. so i'm going to go lay down and talk to him for the rest of the night. he's soo amazing.
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